This post is a little long, but hopefully it will bring a smile to your face! I know every one's kids say silly things, but ours have to be the absolute silliest. As parents, Jason and I always tell ourselves to write these silly things down, but for some reason we just don't. Here are just a few of our favorite crazy kid sayings.
See number 3 for a full description of what this dolly is wearing. It's not what you think!10. While taking a bath a few years ago, Maison frantically calls me into the bathroom about a discovery he made. As I come running into the bathroom, which is attached to our bedroom, I see him standing up with his head between his legs. "Hey Mom, did you know I have a hole in my butt?" (Jason has informed me that Libby has also recently made this discovery.)
9. The year Libby was born, Jason's mom Mary came down to spend Thanksgiving with us. My folks also joined us for dinner. Things were going well, Santa even came and had dinner. (A story all of it's own) After dinner and long after I took Santa home to his hotel, Maison was getting ready to head up to bed. He really wanted his Grama Mary to stay in his room. She agreed and sent Maison on his way. As Maison was heading up the stairs, Mary says, "I'll be up in a minute, I need to get a drink of water." Quicker than a flash of lightening, Maison responds "No Grammy, you'll pee my bed!"
8. Libby has this toy barn that sticks to our metal door. When you put different animal pieces on it, it sings a really cute song. So literally this week, she is in the kitchen playing with toy as I am getting lunch together. She keeps playing that song over and over and over. As her impatience increases, she hits the animal piece before the song is completely over. The toy says "Did you know that cows make milk?" She gets this totally disgusted/confused look on her face, and says, "Hey Mama, did you know cows make milk?" I say, "Yes". She replies, "Well! That's nasty."
7. Nothing like an embarrassing public restroom story! So there I am in the handicapped stall with my brand new baby, a stroller, and a highly observant 3 year old. Just thinking I could get in and out, I hauled everyone into the handicapped stall just to tinkle quick. Sounds perfectly innocent, right? As I sit down, a lady who is frantically flying into the stall beside us, must barely get her pants down, and just starts blowing her butt off! WHOA! I bet at that point she was wishing her stall had the "Oh Crap" handles. I make the dreaded eye contact with my son, who exclaims, "Did you hear that?!" How could I not? I think everyone in Wal-Mart heard it! I give him the "big eyed tight lipped nod", which in theory should bend any child into hushing his mouth. My son obviously got that look confused with the "go ahead and run your mouth to completely embarrass your mother" look, that his father has down to a tee! He continues pointing out how gross and nasty the lady beside us is complete with faces, sound effects, and an attempt to look under the stall to see if he knew her. I lurch forward to grab him, almost falling off my toilet, but of course he is right outside the boundary. He gives me this impish grin like, "Aha, I am out of her reach, therefore let me continue with my embarrassing observations of the pooping problem in the next stall." I wipe, zip, throw Maison in the football hold, grab the stroller, bypass washing hands, and high-tail it out of there before the lady in the stall beside us gets out! We run as far from the bathroom as possible. Yes I panicked I just couldn't bare to make eye-contact with a women who, for all intensive purposes, dropped the whole state of Iowa off at the pool!
6. I love how kids aren't embarrassed by their bodies. At what age do we begin to demand privacy? At what age will my kids respect my need for privacy in the bathroom? So Maison is spending some quality time with his grandparents, who will remain anonymous for the time, but it could either be my folks or Jason's. Anyway, Maison hears the bath water running from a mile away. (Damn those tubes in his ears! Didn't realize they came with super-sonic hearing!) Anyway as the story goes, Maison is stripping his clothes off as he is running down the hallway, flings the bathroom door open, belly flops onto his Papa (who is trying to relax), and says "Hey look Papa, your penis is almost as big as mine." The End.
5. Jason showed the kids how to crack his belt to make a really loud noise. We all know it from when we were kids. The dreaded crack. For those who don't know, you take your leather belt off as quick as possible so it makes noise as it slides through the belt loops. Then you fold it in half. Place each side in a separate hand. Push so it makes an "O", then pull tight to hear the dreaded crack. The kids thought this was the greatest thing! Boy have times changed! So Jason begins chasing the kids around cracking the belt by their butts. They are giggling up a storm. There are a lot of "Nanny Nanny Boo Boo's" being yelled as the kids are running by Jason. Libby takes off to hid in her room saying off rythm, "Nana Nana, you not catch me." As she hides behind her curtains, which by the way are shear, she screams "Spank me again Daddy!" What's wrong with that? Her window was wide open and faces the street!
4. Again back to the issue of privacy, Maison was about 3. I don't know about you, but when I am in the bathroom with the shower on, the odds are pretty favorable that I am or had been taking a shower. I just shut the water off and was grabbing my towel, when the door flies open. There is my son inquiring about what I was doing. As I try to get myself wrapped up, he says, "Wow, you have really big elbows". So naturally I bend my arm to take a look, thinking what a weird thing to notice. I look up at him with my arm bent, elbow out, and say, "No, they're really not that big. Your Daddy's elbows are bigger than mine." He gets this really weird look on his face and says, "No, they're not." I find myself arguing over the size of my elbows with a 3 year old... dumb! I look back at him, and he points with his middle finger of all fingers, and says, "No! Your elbows are bigger than Daddy's." What was he pointing at? My chest! Thanks, I didn't already know that!
3. Yesterday Libby is playing with a dolly that her Uncle Jeremy and Auntie Erin gave her for Christmas a couple of years ago. She has pretty long blond hair and snap on clothes. Libby has spent a good 15 minutes combing this dolls hair. Now it's time to get her dressed. She begins putting shoes on her, her crown, and a tu-tu. She says, "Look Mommy, her diarrhea suit." I said "what!?!" With a tone implying I am less than intelligent, she say "her diarrhea suit." The doll actually had her ballerina suit on, so hopefully she meant to say ballerina suit.
2. We have always tried to use the 1-2-3 Magic system. However after a long day and not really wanting to discipline our son, 1-2-3 Magic often became a 5 step program. Not good I know. Maison went through this phase of always having to push it to the limit! There is no such thing as terrible two's, it has to be terrible threes! Needless to say, he was spending a lot of time in time-out. I don't even remember the situation, but Jason and I had counted to three and I made the mistake of asking Maison what comes after 3. With a sheepish grin and a hesitant voice slowly rising from low to high, he says, "4". Now what? He wasn't wrong and we were laughing our heads off! Jason has just informed me that Maison was standing in our window ledge pushing on the glass while we were cleaning up the kitchen. So it was a situation worthy of discipline.
1. My number one favorite moment occurred a few summers ago. During tick season, the ticks are horrible here! We are constantly picking them off the dog, despite medication. Anyway, one night after playing outside, Maison had a tick on his head. Jason got the tweezers (squeezers as Maison used to call them), proceeded to pull the tick out and dropped it in the toilet. Not so bad right? Obviously not thinking, Jason proceeds to pee on the tick in the toilet right in front of Maison. After attempting 1-2-3 Magic on my husband, I tried to explain why that was such a bad idea. He didn't and wouldn't agree. So, there I am the following day picking Maison up from preschool, when the director approaches me. I hear the dreaded, "Do you have a minute?" She takes me to the office where we need to discuss a "situation". At that point I am arguing with Jason in my mind, saying "see I told you so, thanks a lot!" The door closes and I am sweating! She says, "I just have to check, because Maison told us the funniest story today." Feeling relieved I say, "really?" Appears Maison went to school and told his teacher and class that his daddy squeezed his head with the squeezers and then peed on it! Totally leaving out the tick! Whew, good thing people have a sense of humor, that could have been ugly.
These are just a sampling of the crazy things our kids say!
Tonight was Libby's first performance as a dancer. I spent the day charging every set of batteries we have, 12 total, just to be on the safe side. (Didn't want a repeat of the dress rehearsal.) We had to be in Cedar Rapids with Libby dressed and ready to go by 5:30pm. We began getting ready at 3:45pm. The infamous ponytail was the first step. I figured everything after that would be cake. Took about a half an hour to tame that baby-fine hair into a ponytail, applied a tiny bit of makeup, and got her dance outfit on. We loaded everyone up in the car and headed north to Cedar Rapids. I was really impressed with our timeliness. We even had enough time to run through the drive-thru at McDonald's. Seems a little too good to be true. We got arrived right at 5:30pm. One would think we had plenty of time to get Libby situated and grab a great seat, since the show didn't start until 6pm. Not the case! The gym was absolutely packed and the only seats available were in the balcony 3 rows from the top! Luckily Libby still managed to locate us in the crowd! 
I used to teach science at LaSalle Middle School and help with their school's musical production every year. I continue to help every year with the musical, which is quite the show. It is performed every year in the Theater at Xavier High School; complete with costumes, make-up, lights, music, and microphones! Hard to believe it is 6th, 7th, and 8th graders.
